You Lose To Gain
There are many ways to gauge how much progress you are making in life.
Most of them are positive. Affirmations, testimonials from those you have helped or even just a general feeling of a change in the tide, a personal breakthrough. As your confidence begins to show through and more people come your way the majority of those who have stood beside you watching your journey will celebrate.
But success has a strange effect on some people. When people around them move forward instead of feeling inspired and driven they are overtaken by a sense of inadequacy and decide they must compete. The change may come as a surprise to themselves and they may try to suppress these thoughts, but their truth always will show through.
This can express itself quite subtly. The compliments and best wishes they give you just do not feel right.
Innocent gestures you make are misread and any effort made to defend yourself - because suddenly you feel you have to - creates a confusing tension. At first you try to pretend it is not happening, then as you understand the reason for the upset, you feel the need to play down the exciting events opening up in your life.
Of course, it is never really about you and not everybody is capable of following you through life. The age we live in is all so focused on the people who are experiencing the spoils of their success that the actual work it took them to get the remains a mystery and the truth of the matter is most people are people are unprepared to make the sacrifices required to live the life they say they want to. So, for as long as you are still trying and working towards something they feel safe.
You can talk about the life you dream of and believe that you are in it together, but as your efforts start to pay off and visible signs of progress appear if they have not been as diligent as you, they are faced with the realisation that they may be left behind.
A wake-up call like this can spur some people into action but for others it creates a weighty load of guilt, shame and inadequacy.
This is a what I have experienced this past week. It has been difficult and most of all saddening to watch another change so drastically and see the sadness that they are consumed with that they are not yet ready to take responsibility for.
To listen to the excuses they find for why it is 'easier for you' when you know how much effort has to be put in before even a tiny amount of results begin to show has pushed me to a place of feeling pity for them.
And I dislike that.
I have had to spend time deeply contemplating how I should handle this and my conclusion is that I have to move on. It is about self-worth and self-respect.
It seems that sometimes you know you are doing good by how badly others behave.
Thanks for reading.
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