The long weekend has given me the opportunity to take a look at what I have been doing and what needs to be done.
However, the biggest area I have had to address is Why and What am I hoping to achieve?
Apart from the obvious reason of the passion I have for music there has been this deeper, bigger question that needs answering.
This is not about giving up it feels to me that I must solidify a greater purpose to myself.
I hope I am making sense.
I suspect that one of the reasons for this is because of a new way of promoting my music that has presented itself to me.
From the outside it appears to be counter to any business strategy but if I look compare it with other online business models it has many parallels.
What is surprising to me it the fact that it has created such a niggle in my mind.
The main reason is money and fear of losing/not getting it.
There must be a part of me that still does not believe in the bigger picture, the end goal, the fact that there can be no loss at all.
I am still measuring this way against the old way if holding on to things so tight, ownership and competition.
Coming face to face with an old non serving deep belief is like unexpectedly, meeting a long forgotten adversary. Issues that you thought were put to bed are painfully visible once again.
The greater me knows what I want to do and the benefits of it. The greater me can also understand this conflict and is allowing it to play out.
For a while...
What is and has been interesting the elevated view I have of myself these days. Understanding why certain issues crop up and not over judging myself as a result.
If I want to create this Utopian ideal I need to trust in my own dream and allow it to materialise.
Do something different to get different results. Sometimes you know these things in theory and still struggle with the implementation.
How will I make up my mind?
In a way I already have. If I take stock on what I have gained so far, albeit slow and organic the proof of following my hunches is here.
This is a wider step and that is why I am a little hesitant.
Here I am thinking out loud and commuting it to a blog post.
One day soon I will re read this and wonder what all the fuss was about. For now I will write hopeful that that one day is soon.
Thanks for reading. This was especially inconclusive.
Please share ;)