There is a common held view that one of the worst traits a person can have is to be selfish. 

I vehemently disagree. 

It is a pity that the word has built up such a weight of negative connotations because at the core of it lies common sense. 

Without taking time to administer self care and attention you can be of no benefit to anybody including yourself.

In fact after a time you rely need others to qualify your existence. 

Constant doing and giving will deplete your own resources and eventually lead to resentment.  

Desiring and demanding your own space is the greatest gift you can give yourself and as a result everybody around you. 

For many years I believed outpouring attention was the good and right thing to do.

The effects were multifold. 

I had no true definition of myself and continually looked externally for answers that were always unsatisfactory. 

My writing was vague. There was no voice, direction or conviction and as a result no traction which then of course created further frustration and loss of confidence which meant my writing was vague... Get the picture? 

There was a perpetual swing between angered and anguished cries of, 'Why me?'

Feeling put upon and defiant and defensive on one moment or defeated and disreguarded the next. 

I also recognised other overgivers.

The clenched, pinched smiles behind their insistence that you go first, you have it and no, they really honestly do not mind. There was tension, an unatural push to accept their care. It did not feel good.

But meeting them was a good lesson. 

Although the behaviour can tip into the pits of narcissism there is something to be learned from a self centered person. They exude a certain confidence that can only be gained from time spent absorbed in their own worship. 

It took a long time for me to feel confident enough to indulge in myself for fear of being branded selfish until I tried it. 

I retreated from the noise and the self imposed 'shoulds' and did what I wanted to do. The revelation was that I did not become uncaring and egoistical. The more attention I gave to myself and the more I recognised myself, the more I felt able to give of myself. 

There came a deeper understanding and empathy. I felt a more focused sense of duty to others because of giving myself Me Time and not from any feeling of guilt as I had before. 

Every now and then a belief you have held tight to the point of restriction unravels and sets you free. 

Finding your selfish is the most liberating and unselfish thing you will ever do. 

 

Love Yourself!

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Thanks for reading. 

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