For a long time I was torn about my ambition. I had conflicting beliefs about why I thought I wanted what I wanted for myself.
Were my intentions lead by a desire to create great art or the need to inflate a depleted ego?
I often heard such disparaging comments about successful artists, ie those whose careers I aspired to, by some peers and family, people whose opinions I held in higher regard than my own, that this lead me to conclude that if I were to attain my goals they would say the same thing about me.
In the beginning I was not strong enough in my convictions to handle the possibility of that.
However, the passage of time has shown that it is necessary to release them anyway because my acceptance of their limiting views was holding me back.
The knee jerk ignorant musings I was often privy to came from their own fears and lack of vision for themselves.
Working this out took time.
These people misunderstood what it took to achieve success and I admit I did too.
It was not just luck and a desire to accumulate riches that drove the greats. Often it was the excitement of self discovery, innovation and service. All achieved with Herculean efforts and unwavering faith in spite of self doubt and the deafening drones of the naysayers.
In order to achieve flight additional baggage needs to be kept to a minimum.
That can manifest in many ways physical, mental and in relationships. Some people are just not good to have around particularly when you are at the beginning of your journey and it seems easier and safer to step back than to go faithfully forward into the unknown.
Isolation, self reflection and inspection are imperative if you seriously what to change your life.
Every facet, every long held idea and belief needs to be investigated. It is only then that you can see why are where you are and why you are not where you want to be.
Sometimes the ahas come quick; burst and break open and catapult you forward.
In my experience this is rare.
Layer upon layer of mistruths and backward thinking have had to be faced and released before a new level of awareness can been reached.
Old memories replayed with excruciating embarrassment saved only by the fact that it happens in private.
The process will be often achingly slow. It is never ending.
A lifelong quest.
But you have you keep and have to keep going because with each learning you are reborn and this becomes addictive. Meeting a new you, finding a new space to be and seeing the world with more clarity and understanding. Becoming stronger, unshakeable.
You will often feel alone and in limbo, hold on during these times they always pass.
You know too much to turn back now and although occasionally you may feel no farther forward, progress is always being made.
When you do see people you used to associate with the differences become apparent.
The shifts can be subtle and indecipherable to anybody but yourself or the chasms can gape wide.
What once seemed like a friends intelligent reasoning, now sounds like bleating and justified victimhood. It feels uncomfortable to be around and the instinct is to rush in but trust me, any assistance will be greeted with indignance.
Step back, or rather step forward. It is not your job to save the world by intervention. Each of us has our own path to walk and we only appreciate this help if we have asked for it.
Prepare for mourning. There is a part of you that you have to leave and with that will be people who are not accepting of who you are becoming.
Success means sacrifice and too often this is painted as a terrible thing. In my mind sacrifice is the trading of one thing for something better.
In order to invite the new into your life a space needs to be made. Show that you are prepared for it by creating a vacuum.
For the people that you feel you are leaving behind in your life you will become and example of what can be achieved and disprove their ideas of what success is about and the qualities required to attain it.
Once you realise your big ideas and prove your crazy talk you illuminate any areas in their lives that they can improve upon.
Be prepared. The reactions to this will swing from seething jealousy to quiet admiration.
Either way you are showing that dreams are possible and setting an example regardless of whether this was your intention.
This understanding has helped me reconcile with my ambitions.
I am not ashamed to want more than I have and I empathise with the critics.
Life would not taunt you with a dream and then not show the means to reach it.
Thank you for reading.
Please share. ;)