Go Round Again?
Most of us have experienced déjà-vu.
This usually occurs when a street in a new town seems very familiar or a fresh conversation sounds like a replay.
Have you ever had a déjà-vu relationship? This is where the players in your life are new but the events that take place are definitely not. My response to this has previously always been frustration and if I am totally honest a slice of victimhood. 'Why is this always happening to me?'
What I am learning now is that until I resolve the conflict within myself I should expect to be visited by this time and time again.
This has been my personal lesson this week. It took me a moment to fully recognise what was being played out because it looked a little different than before and yet when I became clear about the opportunity that was in front of me I was grateful. But still a little scared.
I was being faced with the truth about my boundary setting. Or rather the fact that I do not set boundaries. I need to start being vocal about what I expect and not just allow my continual disappointment to compound itself into low self-worth.
I do not voice my true feelings because I am afraid of abandonment and as a result I only abandon myself.
As I continue writing my book, Becoming H.E.R. and start to meet with participants and collaborators of the overall project, it is imperative that I live the ideas I am presenting.
This project has required deep examination of my life. I can see how wrong I was, how right I was, where I did not trust myself and could have saved time. Although it would be easy to be sad about many things my overall sentiment is amazement. Somehow I made it through and still have the curiosity to continue.
What life is showing me right now is that there is no need to keep repeating patterns. Freedom is always a choice.
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