You don't need me to tell you that there are easier career paths to take than the one that I have chosen for myself.
If I would have followed the suggestion of my Careers Advisor, I would more have joined the Police Force and 'enjoyed' a life of comfort and stability and it all would have been very nice thank you.
Deep down I have always felt an urge to have different experiences than the ones that I saw around me.
There was more than this. I could be more than I was.
I just did not know where to start.
Also now I have an understanding of 'How Life Works', because I spent so much time thinking, 'I don't want this and I don't want that,' all I every got was more of this and that!
One of the recurring questions I used to, still occasionally ask myself and often have to answer is 'Why?'
Why are you still pursuing this?
Why don't you teach?
Why don't you go on XFactor?
Why am I still pursuing this?
I started writing songs out of curiosity. I religiously listened to the Top 40 every Sunday when I was growing up and I studied all the songs. At the time I was learning the piano and as far as I knew music came from a shop printed in books.
What I soon came to understand was that people who were still alive wrote their own songs!
What was even more surprising was that if they were good each of their songs would be an original fantastic new piece of work.
I wondered if I could do it to and I will never cease wondering.
I want to keep learning to keep getting better. To finetune the craft of my songwriting, to keep challenging myself to create something truer and sweeter each time.
My work now is of a higher standard than it was during the time I was at the at the age when I should 'make it'. And even then it was good.
Why assume that someone who works in a creative field has a finite period of time to make their mark or be deemed unsuccessful.
Add also if you continue to forge forward in light of life's punches and a barrage of judgement and foolish questions you will become a staunch character. Most people never develop to this extent.
I once told myself that I would stop. Those were the worst 5 minutes of my life. What ever would/could I do and be happy?
Which leads neatly to...
Why don't I teach?
My personal experience of teaching was miserable and I was starting to dislike the thing I loved the most. Music.
Everybody who started with me was in the beginning enthusiastic about the idea of playing the piano.
However the reality of what it took was not so well received.
It's a well quoted statistic that it takes 10,000 hours of dedication to achieve any level of expertise and the journey of 10,000 hours starts with at least 30 minutes a day but not everybody is committed to that.
Then there were the last minute cancellations so my income was uncertain.
Why don't I go on XFactor?
*big sigh* This is to especially answer all the people who have suggested that this should be a route I considered if I was serious and shook their heads in disappointment, rolled eyes or tutted when I disagreed and not afforded me the courtesy to explain...
While I can see the perceived benefits of exposure for some and the career enjoyed by others who have taken part in this, I have never understood how I would gain from it.
First and foremost I am a songwriter and musician. That is not necessarily what is required of this format.
There are teams of the industry's most successful writers and producers waiting to work with the most popular of the contestants.
This popularity is based on what element of their character/story is highlighted to the viewers. This is decided by the producers in the edit.
If you are lucky enough I have a positive aspect of your persona amplified and considered a likeable character you win.
This is a television programme and it needs drama.
But not mine.
So there are some answers to the Whys that I continually encounter. Especially as time passes and I 'should have done something by now'.
Ultimately all the opinions and questioning however diverting will never stop me from facing my own biggest Why.
Thanks again for reading. If you liked it please share. :)