When you are reminiscing the past presents a sequence of obvious and perfectly timed events that prove that everything happens for a reason.
However, when living in a forward linear motion, life can often make no sense whatsoever!
The grand design is not always clear.
Monumental moments in your life appear ordinary, worthy of no more attention than any other part of your usual routine.
The music I am currently releasing is the result of the work created during the time I spent working with Producer, Christian Fontana.
He is someone who appeared in my life and changed it permanently.
We first met when he approached me one Sunday on the Victoria Line heading south to Euston. The train ride was necessary because I needed to get my keyboard, the non too small Roland RD 700 GX, to a rehearsal.
This was a frustrating consequence of having recently failed my driving test for the second time.
Strangers quips about carrying dead bodies and the general attitude of people not looking where they were going or, worse still, looking on whilst I struggled with my cumbersome load had began to wear the initial excitement of having the new instrument very, very thin.
After I had managed to position myself on the train, Christian came over to speak to me and I prepared myself to be polite in the face of another serving of 'funny' quips.
But this was different.
He was a musician too so he knew that I has not transporting a six foot guitar either.
I cannot remember exactly what we talked about but it would have probably been a few pleasantries and something about music.
He was friendly, nice and even though I gave him one of my business cards, to be honest, I did not expect to see him ever again.
About three months or so later I drove (finally, yes!) to Deptford and to the first rehearsal for a singer who was putting a band together.
As I banged clumsily into the room with my keyboard I spotted a familiar face.
He was the guitarist!
Gradually over the next couple of years while we were players in somebody else's band we became friends, which is easy because he is a great guy with a brilliant sense of humour as well as a fantastic guitar player.
As much as I enjoyed the camaraderie of being in a band and performing I was unsatisfied with my personal progress as an artist. I was tired of paying for studio time which gave me unsatisfactory results or trying to collaborate with 'producers' who had all the gear but no idea.
Add to this that I still bought into the idea that there was a finite window of opportunity for me to attempt to 'make it' as a singer.
My confidence in my creativity was at the lowest point ever. I felt that I had achieved nothing and valued myself as not much more.
At the very least I knew that I could still write well and decided that that was the route to take.
All I needed to do was to get some decent recordings of my work and approach publishing companies for a deal as a songwriter.
There is was again.
'Get some decent recordings'.
Something I did not feel I had ever managed to do.
Knowing how I used to be. When something was bothering me I would chew on it constantly, which of course only amplifies the issue.
Christian, who no doubt would have been an audience to my woes, offered to help.
He said he wanted to hear what I had and then see if we could work together.
That generous offer of his talent and time grew into this project and has inspired me to think differently about myself and my capabilities.
What I have today was not what I had in mind when we started recording in Fontana's Kitchen and the very thought of the ideas I now see as possibilities for my future would have terrified me or at least seemed preposterous.
Now I am excited and enjoying the journey, including all the challenges because they galvanise me, elevate me and inspire me to reach for a better version of me. My H.E.R. (Higher Energetic Resonance)
All this because I am now able to share high quality version of my work.
Everybody, especially artists, experiences moments of self doubt about doing that thing that brings the most joy. Your true passion. Following your heart is not encouraged or portrayed as the most difficult path to take. The belief in the perceived 'security' of getting a 'proper job' and consigning your talents to mere hobbies has no doubt dampened countless superstars from ever taking that first, terrifying step towards their dreams.
Jobs and stuff can be gone in a moment.
Sometimes that needs to happen so your real 'possessions' can be revealed.
I pray that you are blessed to know somebody who will make it seem safe enough for you to step out of your self imposed shadows and into your Light.
Thankyou Christian Fontana.
There are no flukes!
Thanks for reading.
Please share. :)